How to Avoid Unwanted Contact – Advice for Parents and Caregivers

The digital environment and the opportunities it provides play an increasingly crucial role in children’s lives. Online connections and relationships are one way for children to make friends. However, there are visible and invisible risks associated with these connections that can endanger children’s safety. Unwanted contact is any type of online communication that is uncomfortable, disturbing, or even dangerous for your child. This can come from strangers or online "friends" whom your child has never met in person.

What is Grooming?

"Grooming" is one of the most dangerous forms of unwanted contact and online abuse. Grooming occurs when a stranger—the "groomer"—builds a relationship with a child to engage in sexual exploitation. This abuse can happen during physical meetings, but it more often occurs online, where children or teenagers are deceived, persuaded, and enticed into sexually-oriented activities via webcam or sharing intimate (nude or semi-nude) images.

How Does Online Grooming Happen?

• Groomers often visit websites used by children and sometimes pretend to be young to entice children into chatting.
• Groomers are usually adults, but they can be under 18, targeting younger children.
• They use personal information gathered beforehand to establish a connection with the child. As the relationship progresses, the child may feel comfortable enough to share more about themselves.
• Groomers build the relationship on secrecy and aim to separate the child physically and emotionally from family and friends.
• They test the child’s willingness to engage in sexually explicit activities.

The risk of online grooming increases if your child engages in these activities online:

• Posting personal details on social platforms without privacy controls, like their full name or school—information that can be used to establish inappropriate connections.
• Accepting friend requests from people they do not know, allowing strangers access to their personal information and photos.
• Responding to anonymous users on apps and websites.
• Posting provocative photos.
How to Handle Unwanted Contact and Protect Your Child
• Make your child’s online accounts secure: Encourage your child to keep social or gaming platform accounts private, visible only to people they know. Review privacy settings to control who can see their photos and posts.
• Delete contacts your child doesn’t know personally: Encourage your child to remove contacts they don’t actually know. Go through the list of people following or befriending them online to ensure they are familiar. If certain contacts seem suspicious, it’s likely best to remove them.
• Engage with your child’s digital world: Learn about the sites, apps, and chat services your child uses and explore them together. Consider if you are comfortable with the content and potential interactions with others, including adults. If you’re concerned about any sites your child is visiting without telling you, share your worries. As a last resort, you can check your child’s browsing history. However, the goal is to build trust and maintain open communication.
• Build a trust-based relationship: Keep open and calm communication with your child so they know they can always share any concerns. Children especially need your support to confide in you about something they regret or if they feel pressured by someone.
• Help your child protect their privacy: Advise your child to use only a first name or nickname for online chats, social media, or gaming. They should never reveal their phone number, address, or school. For younger children, ask them not to post or send photos or videos without your permission. Help them recognize signs that an “online friend” may be attempting to establish an inappropriate relationship.

Encourage caution when someone:

• Asks many personal questions shortly after an online meeting.
• Requests something and promises gifts in return. Abusers often use promises, gifts, and friendliness to gain a child’s trust.
• Wants to keep the relationship secret. Online groomers usually try to make the relationship very personal with their targets from the beginning and ask that it be something “special” just between the two.
• Frequently contacts your child through various methods, such as text messages or online chat services.
• Asks if someone else uses their devices or where they use them at home.
• Compliments them on their appearance or body, or asks questions like, “Have you ever kissed someone?”
• Insistently asks for a meeting or tries to make the child feel guilty or threatens them if they refuse to meet.
Creating a Safety Guide for In-Person Meetings with Online “Friends”
• Explain that keeping “online friends” online is safest. If your child wishes to meet someone in person, they must get your permission first to ensure it’s safe.
• Explain that meeting in a public place during the day is safest and that they shouldn’t be alone.
• Remind them to let someone know (like a trusted friend) where they’re going and whom they’re meeting.

What Can We Do if Something Goes Wrong?

• Your child may not tell you if an online “friendship” becomes compromising or difficult because they feel embarrassed, ashamed, or afraid that telling someone will make things worse. Groomers rely on this.
• Pay close attention to noticeable changes in your child’s behavior or mood. Watch for signs of isolation, alienation, anxiety, sadness, or strained relationships with family or friends.

If your child has shared a photo or information with someone and feels uncomfortable or if they are pressured to do so, there are ways to support and help.

Stay Calm and Reassure Your Child That the Problem Can Be Resolved

• Explain that even adults are sometimes deceived and do things they later regret.
• Talk to them without judgment or anger and make them feel they can come to you about any issue without fear of punishment or criticism.
• Don’t forbid internet access, as your child may see it as a punishment and may not open up to you in the future.

Take Action to Protect Your Child

Gather evidence—before you or your child blocks someone or deletes posts or other material, take screenshots and collect evidence, including dates and times of the material.

Report it—child grooming on the internet is a crime investigated by the police. If you believe your child is in danger, notify the police or a specialized investigative service at 199. Your and your child’s privacy will be protected.