Addressing Children’s Curiosity about their Bodies

It is not uncommon for children to engage in “sexual exploration” or experimentation. Sometimes, children will openly share these experiences with their parents, not realizing it might be shocking to them. Other times, they may hide these activities if they know adults might disapprove.

What to Keep in Mind: Research shows that almost half of parents report their children were interested in sexual games around age six. Studies also indicate that these games do not affect children’s long-term development. While curiosity about bodies and “sexual games” is natural, it is essential to guide children towards setting boundaries in a respectful and tactful way.

How to Approach the Conversation:
• Teach about Personal Boundaries: “Everyone has private parts of their body. I want you to understand that it’s important not to touch other children’s private parts and that others shouldn’t touch yours either. This is why they’re called private parts.”
• Keep It Age-Appropriate: “Some kids think kissing games make them look older, but you’re still too young for those kinds of games, and I don’t want you playing them.”
• If They Deny It: If your child denies something you know happened, avoid pressing for a confession. Instead, say, “I saw you playing a game that’s better to avoid, like pretending to be husband and wife. Let’s find other games to play.”
• Show Understanding: “It’s normal to be curious about your body and what others look like, but let’s keep our clothes on when we play together.”
• Reassure: “What you were doing isn’t bad, but it’s not for kids. I know you’re not a bad person; just remember not to do that again, okay?”
• Role Play Refusals: Ask, “What would you do if a friend asked you to take your clothes off or show your private parts?” Role-play scenarios where your child can practice saying “no.”
What to Avoid Saying:
• Avoid Forcing Confessions: “Tell me exactly what you were doing. You’re not leaving until you confess!” If your child is unwilling to discuss it, they might already sense the topic is uncomfortable. Acknowledge that you are aware of the behavior and use this as a teaching moment.
• Avoid Overreactions: “That was a terrible thing to do!” Stay calm; this is typical childhood curiosity.
• Avoid Shaming: “Stop touching yourself! That’s bad!” Instead, gently explain that some actions are private and best done alone, helping them direct their attention elsewhere.

Final Thoughts

Keeping conversations calm and open helps children feel safe to ask questions or share concerns with you. This approach fosters trust and allows children to explore and understand boundaries in a safe, respectful way.